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  • Writer's pictureTrish

Mourning Mover

Updated: Jan 9, 2023

Hey Trish:

My husband just received an offer for a new job. This is great news because it will mean we can become more financially secure. However, this job means that we will have to move away to another state leaving behind our friends and family. While I am grateful that my my husband has this opportunity, I am really scared to leave behind my support network. I know this anxiety is coming out in my attitude towards the move. My husband is even thinking about not taking the job now because he thinks I do t want to go How can I turn my attitude around and express to my husband that while I am happy, I am also sad without making him feel bad?


Mourning Mover

Hey Mourning Mover!

How exciting: A new job, more money, and a new beginning! Also, how scary! Give yourself some credit. This is ALOT to take in. Many times it is the woman who establishes the home in a marriage. This means that you have most likely invested where you currently live. Leaving that behind means leaving behind a lot of memories. Plus, some people cope with change easier than others. There is no set blueprint on how to react when big life changes occur.

It seems as though from your letter that your husband is the one with the initial excitement about the move. It also seems, that he cares about your feelings as well. These are both great things. My suggestion is to build off of them. Do some research about things that make you fulfilled and where you can go to do those things in your new location. For example, one of my friends moved here from Canada. She loved hockey. She also loved rollerskating. When she first moved to the United States she missed both of them. Eventually she connected with a group of women who did roller derby. She joined the team, made some friends, and decided that moving wasn’t so bad after all! She said that she wished she would have found this group when she first moved. Those girls shared an interest with her and it made her feel like she had a community with people who like to do the same thing she did.

I also talk to your husband. Write down a list of things that make you excited about the move so that when you were in the conversation you can remember them. Explain to him that you can be excited scared, and even nervous all at the same time. However, that doesn’t mean you don’t support the move. Find ways that you guys can share all of your feelings about the move. Most likely, he is feeling many of the same things. Ultimately, this is an “us”adventure and not a “me” adventure. Doing this together will only make you grow stronger.

I also suggest getting together with your family and friends before you leave and come up with the next time you will be seeing each other. We all know that time goes by very quickly. Having a date on the calendar will help you see an exact time in which you guys can reconnect. Once that visit is over then set another time before you leave. I love seeing those dates marked in bold type on my calendar. Breaking down long intervals is crucial to survival when it comes to missing home.

Good for you and your husband for being willing to try new things and being open to new opportunities. I do agree that there is no place like home, but I also subscribe to the saying that home is where your heart is!

Moving on up!


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